Who you are makes a difference

17 June 2011 @ 10:11 PM

I agree that I've second thoughts sometimes, come on, who will not? Maybe third, fourth, fifth and so on. But for one thing I can be certain is, I have never ever given up no matter how shitty the situations were. What should I follow, my heart or my mind? Oh, well, it doesn't work both ways anyway.

Faith is shaking.

I can't decide of the path ahead of me. I'm at the cross road that I don't know whether to turn left/right or to go ahead/backward.

I've stepped in this mud so deep that I can't get myself out of it. It ain't so bad like how it was 5 years ago, but...

Feelings ain't right.

I know, choosing to run away from the bad days is not ideal but I've no choice.

Till then.

I love everybody.

09 June 2011 @ 1:34 AM

Seriously I don't wanna publish any angry/furious post in my blog. Worse since it's been ages since my last entry and I am back with an effin irritating one like this.

Yes you are right. Right to the extent that I've taken away your freedom too much. Right to the extent that I shouldn't have bothered too much from the initial start.

Maybe it's my moodswing that makes all these seem terrible.

I can explain, but what for since you won't be listening anyway?

My words, my thoughts.

What are these?

Nonsense to you !

I'm just nothing, except for being a nuisance and what else, a burden. Yes, a burden !

I'm tired of waiting for you every single day like this.

You just don't get how I feel. You just don't fucking know how lonely I am.

Just fucking forget about it okay. You may say I'm not understanding. I'm fucked up, blah blah blah. Fine, but sorry you can't change me because it's the way I am.

I fucking hate empty promises.
Can't do? Don't fucking say out until so loud.

I shall not expect anything but seriously words affect too much that it hurts me emotionally.

And again, you won't know all these. Simply because I'm the only one who could sense it and bear with it alone.

Fucking get away from me.

!@##$^#%^&#

28 April 2011 @ 10:47 PM

Whao, i've been abandoning this place for roughly 4 months since the starting of my DPA programme. Time really does fly. 3 months have gone in a blink that I seriously want those moments back, in desperation.

No point. Seriously, no point.

People have made new friends. New class. New lecturers. New modules. New EVERYTHING!

I can't help but just keep all the times we have been together as a memory. I treasure you guys, alot..

Cya around, Unstoppable! :) missing every single one of you. <3

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Lol okay enough for my emotionally mushy moments =.= Back to reality!

Official school term has already started for 2 weeks. Yeah my class is funny, everyone is fine, the timetable is flexible (somehow...), blah blah blah.

BUT.

Modules that i'm taking, aint going easy with me.

Ok. Fine. I shouldnt have complained too much. I should just accept the fact that I'm no longer in an education environment where teachers are always there to spoon-feed me.

I somehow struggle.

And the best part is, ^_____^ , I struggle by myself, alone.

Heck yeah I gotta admit I'm strong man! Looking back those years with millions of obstacles that I've gone through, it's like, WOW :-O

Anyway bf has ALWAYS been there for me as well :) gotta say he's done whatever he could to help me along the way.
Just praying hard that everything will be fine, real real fine.

Time check: 11pm.
Gotta sign off and go to bed. School starts @ 8am tomorrow! 0.0
Bai.
Next update shall be on my Amygdale (throat) operation :)

P/s: Phone dropped on the train floor loudly and flew away for 2 meters. You can kill me already :) thanks.

10 January 2011 @ 11:44 PM

School is starting in less than a week wtf.

While people are still enjoying, I am so gonna bring my holiday mood to school. Such an ass!

Anyway, just hope that it's gonna be fun. Pls pls pls let me sit with those AWESOME friends on my very first day of school term ! *praying hard*

I repeat, AWESOME, not AWFUL !

( Hmmmm we tend to stick to those that sit near to us on the first day of school right ? i believe so though fate changes sometimes (: )

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I was supposed to be happy today.

Seriously.

How could it ever happen?

OhmyGod, I must be out of my mind. I seriously don't know what's with me.

Mistakes over mistakes.

And sometimes, mistakes can't always be forgiven.

But.

Come on! :(

I've already done it. Yes well maybe an apology isn't enough but what else do you want me to do? :(

Try to make amendments? But how?

Life is just fucking unreasonable !

06 January 2011 @ 8:52 PM

Typed the whole long and mushy entry "2010 at a glance" on 31st Dec but decided not to publish as it contains too many private issues. Anyway, time really does fly :) Just that day when I told myself that "2010 must be better than 2009", and yeah it's so fast that even though it has turned 2011, I've not yet accomplished my goals and resolutions for 2010 :/

2010 was really a challenging year for me in terms of relationships, family issues, studies and even myself.

Don't wanna recall all those unforgettable memories again. It hurts me so much. Seriously, you have no idea what i've gone through so please, don't judge !

Thanks to those who you-know-who-you-are that have been by my sides when I'm up and down. I can't promise 2011 will be better than 2010, but well, I will try.

iloveiloveiloveiloveilove my handphone casing awww <3

proudly made by me, wahaha.

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Back to daily updates.

Nothing much these few days.

Basically I would just either rot at home or go to work. Life couldn't be more boring than this *yawn*

Have been sleeping at 3am and waking up at 1pm in the afternoon. Alright alright it's a bad habit but I just can't seem to kick it away T_T

My breakfast cum lunch cum dinner will normally be taken at 6pm wtf. Guess that gastric flu is coming to visit me soon o.O

Have got my next term's timetable. *yawns x 1000 times*

Haiya. 1 more week to go and I promise I will go to bed before 11pm. ( oops, promise is always a promise ). Hahahaha.

30 November 2010 @ 6:19 PM

Door-to-door job sucks !

Lol.

So instead of working, we decided to hang around. Sorry Stacey, I didn't mean to.. haha.

Was unlucky for the entire day! Raining, fucked-up people, blah blah... well, unexpected circumstances that we could not avoid... -.-

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Supposed to go to ICA and school this morning but.. I overslept, gosh!

Intended to wake up at 9am and oops, i slept till 1pm in the afternoon, hahaha! :)) no wonder people call me OverSlept Queen! ( or MC Queen also can! LOL ).

Church Youth Camp this coming Friday and I am excited much!

Oh man, it's raining again!

Me dislike =(

Rain makes me feel so down, for no reason. Irritating! =(

P/s: After all, I am definitely sure that I would never be able to change your mind no matter how hard I've tried...

@ 2:22 AM

I'm supposed to sleep right naooo  and not to use phone to compose this stupid entry. omg! what's wrong? since the day I dyed my hair ( fyi I dyed it light brown for freaking 2 times and it still remains black?!  oh, no, should reprase it as: it seems like i just did some highlighting?! gosh! ), things have gone way too wrong in every aspect! 
Is it just an excuse or really a truth?

Yea, right, expect the unexpected ! might as well dont ever think of expecting anything!!! come on, spare me some justice in this full-of-unfairness world...

Bad luck!
I don't mind if I have to encounter one, or maybe few?, or indeed a lot ? Fml...ok fine, anything! I really don't mind to face the difficulty. but please, ONE BY ONE la!!! not everything at one shot like that. how am I going to handle
Cool shit !
Feeling so restless even though I am having my ~~peaceful~~ horrible holiday!!!
:(
I need a getaway!!!

20 November 2010 @ 12:51 AM

The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it? Silly thoughts since ystd night, haiz  OK la fine I am the type that can't stay being down or emotional for too long :/ is it a good thing I suppose? Lol.

Ironic much!
During my exam period, I told myself million times that I would go to bed on time (since I'm free) and get sufficient rests once the tests are over!
Guess what!

I am leading the most baddd lifestyle currently with unhealthy meals, super late sleeping time (5-6am) and get few hours (less than 5) of rest daily! Gosh!
Promise!!! Everything will change from next month onwards!

Ok this post is a bit casual and... random? Lol. Okay gotta sleep! Room cleaning tomorrow! Night <3